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July 2, 2018

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Creativity in Relationships

May 28, 2017

I am passionate about both creativity and relationships.


I just listened to a podcast  with Tim Ferris and Esther Perel.  If you have ever cheated, been cheated on, have thought about an open relationship, polyamory, or generally need to explore these ideas more in order to determine what you want or need, then this is a must listen.  It’s been awhile since I read Perel's book, Mating in Captivity, but I recommend this as well.  



Two key points that I loved…


Creativity in relationship.  We say there aren’t any rules, and then most of us fall into standard monogamy/open/poly templates.   But if we truly knew there were not any rules, we might get creative.  In order to get creative, either at the outset of a relationship, or at a later point when things get rocky...


We need to start with knowing ourselves.  Deeply.   


On the subject of infidelity, Ferris  asks her, should you tell?  Should you not tell?  Her answer is brilliant.  “What do you want to tell them?”  And here is where we need to slow down.  Here is where, in any dilemma, self reflection and understanding the why of your actions, is the key ingredient to taking action that is loving.  


Slow down.  What does love look like today?


You could say this about everything.  Slow down before you speak.  Slow down and make sure that your actions reflect your intentions.   What is happening inside?  Do you understand your motivation?  Your desires?  Do you understand your anger?  If love is really only revealed in action (unlike an idea lodged, dusty, in your brain) then what is the loving thing to do?  


Our every changing and evolving inner world needs careful tending to.  You, and your loved ones, are worth this effort.  


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© 2018 Megan Murphy Psychotherapy.