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July 2, 2018

Waking up means coming fully into the present moment. This is an excellent tool for mental health.

May 27, 2018

Emotions happen.  What do you do with them?  

What do you do when you are angry?  Do you say something to retaliate? Do you need to make someone wrong?

Your feelings are your own.

Working with our own feelings is the key to being able to create change in ourselves, and change in the way we interact with the world.  What we want to become aware of is our habitual responses.

Someone does something that “makes you angry”.  Sometimes they really did. But if you are having a super fast physical response, this is often your body remembering a hurt from your past.  Your body and your mind can feel as if that past hurt is happening now. Thus, you believe that the person in front of you is...

April 29, 2018

Are you lonely? It’s not news that technology has made our lives both more efficient, and also more disconnected.  While we face our various screens we often think we are connecting. Think we are connecting. But does this so called connection make us closer to that person?  We are typing words that are meant to simulate connecting kinds of thoughts, but our mirror neurons aren’t engaged, we aren’t using all of our senses to determine what our friend’s vibe is.  “Oh yeah, we are super close, we text all the time.”

April 2, 2018

Wouldn’t it make sense that when we get really close to someone, it would become easier to reveal our thoughts and feelings? If we were solid and unchanging beings, this might be the case.  

But we are not.  We are not solid, or unchanging.  What we are is consciousness having ever changing experiences.  Sure, we habitually repeat thoughts, language, actions to create and maintain our ‘personality’, but the truth of us is not so solid.  

What we are is ever changing beings in a construct that wants us to stay the same.  We want our partners to basically stay the same so that we might say to ourselves that there is something solid to hold onto.  We want to believe that t...

August 22, 2017

Included in my list of things I’m passionate about is both being part of a group and growing.  I’ve been getting together with some friends for the past couple of years to ‘work’ books together.  Sometimes we read separately and discuss together.  Sometimes we actually read together, stopping to discuss along the way. This enables us to really grasp the concepts, and also to apply them to our own lives on the spot.  To be able to talk about a concept or idea that is confusing, and hearing other perspectives,  is invaluable.  

I'm starting the Grow Yourself Book Club as a passion project.  I’m not charging for this but I’ll be open to a contribu...

May 28, 2017

I am passionate about both creativity and relationships.

I just listened to a podcast  with Tim Ferris and Esther Perel.  If you have ever cheated, been cheated on, have thought about an open relationship, polyamory, or generally need to explore these ideas more in order to determine what you want or need, then this is a must listen.  It’s been awhile since I read Perel's book, Mating in Captivity, but I recommend this as well.  

Two key points that I loved…

Creativity in relationship.  We say there aren’t any rules, and then most of us fall into standard monogamy/open/poly templates.   But if we truly knew there were not any rules, we might get creative.  In order to ge...

May 8, 2017

I heard Jack Halberstam speak on a panel some time ago.  He said that coming out (paraphrasing here) meant that he had to kill off his parents.  I got this.  Coming out means telling the truth and being real.  Others may be attached to their fantasy of you and be uncomfortable with truth. For most people that have gone through the coming out process, it can be painful.  No one says this is easy, internally or externally.

But truth is gold.  

A professor at NYU said that she does one thing every day to let someone know that she is a lesbian.  She feels that it’s her duty to the queer community to inform.  See?  Lesbians are successful and smart....

April 30, 2017

A Buddhist Perspective

In the Buddhist tradition, difficult situations can be a good thing.  (I know.)  It can wake you up and give you the opportunity to do the soul expanding personal growth that no one does until they have to.  Every chance we find ourselves in the fire is a chance to learn that we are warriors.  A chance to know that we have what it takes to accept life on life’s terms.  That we have what it takes to comfort ourselves.  That we have what it takes to keep growing.  If your purpose in life is to grow, to expand, then every face-plant into the carpet moment after a break up really is your ticket to ride.  (I know.)

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